...so i touched it.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
