I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
