hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize