well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
