Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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