So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
