I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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