Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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