That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
