All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
