she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
