he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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