you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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