i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
