Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
