1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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