And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
