And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
