nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
