Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
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Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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