she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
what is it with giant penises always finding me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
