Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My ATM looks so different sober.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
