I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
