i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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