Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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