I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
