You're so nebulous sometimes
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
