i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
