Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
