Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
