five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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