The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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