I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
