before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
