Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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