First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
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