I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
