Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
