he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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