1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
