if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
