I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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