Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love having hate sex.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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