my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
