nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
