New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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