pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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