he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently you make a good broom.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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