When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
