Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
