wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
