My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
