she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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