i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
