found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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