weddingsv make me drug and hornr
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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