Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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