he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
