he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
