you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
